14 cracking birthday jokes about getting older

Getting older doesn’t mean that you have to be down in the dumps. Ok, so maybe you don’t look forward to those birthdays quite as much anymore and your idea of a birthday treat may no longer involve painting the town red but involve a more sedate family meal. However, that doesn’t mean you can’t have a laugh or two at the expense of Old Father Time.



From jokes about losing your hair to amusing quotes on using stairlifts, if you want to lighten the atmosphere at the next birthday bash, then here is our selection of 14 cracking jokes about getting older, starting with some wise words and funny quotes.

Funny Age Quotes

On the topic of getting old you can always rely on Mark Twain to have a quote:

1. “Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” Mark Twain.

Finding stairs a challenge? Well you’re not the only one:

2. “Two things are bad for the heart – running up stairs and running down people.” Bernard Baruch

As for what happens when you fall down the stairs, well apparently that’s the stuff of comedy:

3. “If you want to make an audience laugh, you dress a man up like an old lady and push her down the stairs. If you want to make comedy writers laugh, you push an actual old lady down the stairs.”Tina Fey

Stairs are quite a menace it seems, particularly when it comes to keeping one foot in the past:

4. “Never look backwards or you’ll fall down the stairs.” Rudyard Kipling.


5. And the last word is given to Rohan Candappa who states:

“One of the benefits of getting older is that for some obscure reason there lingers around the peripheries of most societies the quasi-folkloric idea that the old can be very wise. Frankly, this is too good an opportunity to miss. That’s because it provides you with a licence to talk cobblers dressed up in profundity.”

Age Related Jokes

From wise words to jolly jokes now with a few puns to keep you chuckling away no matter how old you happen to be.

6. “I bought a new locket to keep a keep a lock of my husband’s hair in as a memento.”

“But your husband is still alive!”

“Yes I know, but his hair is gone.”


7. The good thing about being senile is that you can hide your own Easter eggs.

8. Just before the funeral service for her husband, the undertaker approached the widow and asked: “How old was your husband?” She replied… “98, two years older than me”

“So you must be 96?” He replied.

“Yes.” The widow responded. “Hardly worth going home is it?”

9. A 97 year old man walks into the doctor’s surgery and says; “Doctor, I need my sex drive lowered.”

“Sir,” the doctor replied, “at 97 years old surely all your sex drive is in your head?”

“You’re darned right,” replied the man. “that’s why I want it lowered.”

10. The Senility Prayer: “Lord, grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do and the eyesight to tell the difference.”

11. You know you’re getting older when it takes you longer to get over having a good time than it took to have it!

12. I’m not saying she’s getting older, but when she lit the candles on her birthday cake, five people passed out from heat exhaustion.


13. An elderly man was driving on the motorway when his mobile phone began to ring. It was his wife warning him to be careful as the news was reporting on a car driving the wrong way down the motorway. “One car?” he replied… “there’s hundreds of them!”

14. A 104 year old woman was being interviewed by a journalist who asked her what the best thing was about being 104. She replied simply; “No peer pressure.”

These funny age related jokes were brought to you by Acorn Stairlifts, manufacturers of stairlifts for the elderly. Why not visit our website and let us bring a little more cheer to your life?